some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
