i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
