i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
