I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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