Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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