Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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