Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You need a sexual gate keeper
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
