OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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