worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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