Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
