the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
