He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
COCAINE IS GR8
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
