make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
false alarm. still invincible.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
