birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
