this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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