I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
