Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
bring money and cleavage
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
