You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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