Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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