Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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