Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
