I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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