How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
