Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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