There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I didn't notice because vodka
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
