I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
