I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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