One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
