i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize