he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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