My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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