I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Can i not drive my cunt home
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
