im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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