Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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