can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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