it's like heaven, but drunker
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
