I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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