How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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