it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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