..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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