Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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