i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
