Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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