She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
