There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
