Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he puts the penis in happiness.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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