So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Duck Duck Cougar?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
