So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
