I could have mohawked her pubes.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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