Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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