There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just high enough for therapy.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
