My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
