Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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