So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
