There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
