im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
