just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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