Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
