help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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