She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
