I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
