I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You dont lie about slip and slides
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize