Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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