peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
