i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
