New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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