he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
