so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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