i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
