Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
