I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
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