Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize