god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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