batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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