the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
