Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
