she was so not down for the gang bang
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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