I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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